Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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