he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
