the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she looked like the before picture.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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