Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
