There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
