You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
