Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
