WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The adults are the big ones right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
