all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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