Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
