I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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