Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
