who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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