and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
