Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
