I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
