I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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