a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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