Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
