the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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