Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
