I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
