he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
