I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
