As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
