In the future we'll all be gay
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
