ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
