Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
