Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
