I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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