that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
