Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
