How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
