I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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