The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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