Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
