it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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