this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
