Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
