I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
