I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
