His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
