i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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