remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
