I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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