theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
