like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
