yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
