Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
