I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
