By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
