***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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