mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
