I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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