atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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