Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
foreskin is a definite game changer
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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