so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
now i know why i became what i already was.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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