My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
