Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize