fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
