I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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