Me too!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
