I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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