It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
